Episode 112: 3 Things That Make Trials Worse

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The scriptures are littered with examples of people who made their trials worse. I would bet you can even look at other people and think, man they really are making that worse for themselves. And to be honest, you yourself have probably made some of your trials worse. I know I have. 

 But I bet you didn’t know there are 3 common things that most people do to make their trials worse. As a mental health therapist, people usually come and see me because they are experiencing a trial and I can usually pin it down to one or all three of these things that people are doing to make their trials worse.

As I go through all three of them, I want you to think about a trial you are facing in your life right now. Big or small. I want you to keep that trial in mind. Try to identify how many of these things you might be doing that could be causing your trial to be intensified and getting worse.

1. Forcing a Specific Outcome

Now, it isn't bad to want or desire a certain outcome or even to pray for it. It’s a whole other story to force it to happen. When you get into the forcing state you will only focus on that outcome and discount or ignore anything that doesn’t lead to it. Your mind does this because you think it won’t get you to where you want to go. 

This type of focus doesn’t allow the spirit to guide you where God knows is best for you. That place you want to go might acually be exactly where God will take you but He has a grander way of getting you there. A way you couldn't even imagine for yourself. So when you take charge and think you know what needs to happen, you may miss out on the glorious blessings God wants to grant you.

The opposite of this is being open to God’s will while still having your desires and wishes. This was exemplified by our Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane. He said the following when He was going through the biggest trial of His life atoning for every sin, sorrow and burden that every human on the planet ever faced. Luke 22:42-44  it reads,

"Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly.

This is one of my favorite scriptures to use when I am teaching mental health skills through a spiritual lens. I love to point out that the Savior prayed to His Father in Heaven for a different way. He had a desire and a wish but also was open to God’s will. This is the place you want to approach a trial from.

Did you see what happened right after he approached with this preference but not his requirement? An angel appeared and strengthened Him so He could finish what God knew He needed to do. God had a plan for the Savior and He helped Him accomplish that in a way that was different than what the Savior desired at that time. He was then able to get back to his job “more earnestly”.

What if you could approach trials with a desire and goal, but be open to God taking you there or an even better place? This is done by learning how to deal with your thoughts when they come and not letting them turn into requirements of how you think this trial should go. 

2. Believing You Are Not Good Enough.

I see this happen so often with women who I see as clients. They come in saying “well this wouldn’t have happened if I was a better mom, better wife, better at…” You can fill in the blank with anything you can think of. A default thought that women often have when life isn’t going as planned is, “I am not good enough." 

First and foremost, that is simply not true. The reason this is detrimental is because it isn’t helpful in getting to the right source of the problem and often takes you on a major detour that burns you out. The reality is, trials are a part of living in this fallen world with fallen bodies and people using their agency unrighteously. Going to the default thought of “this trial must be happening because I am not good enough”, often leads women to enter what I call the depressor spiral.

The spiral of looking for all the evidence that points to that thought being true. Women will look at all the times they made a mistake or did something wrong and think, “that’s exactly why this happened.” Then jump right into trying to prove they are good enough by doing a whole bunch of exhausting things and never feeling satisfied. Then being drained and doing nothing. This is a huge detour away from what actually needs to be done with the trial.

The reality is, yes you are not perfect and have room for growth, but that trial isn’t happening because you aren’t good enough. This is the detour that the natural man takes you on so that you don’t focus on the real solution. Which is yoking with Christ and being strengthened for the trial you are experiencing.

Trials are opportunities to build a stronger relationship with Christ. If your focus is on not being good enough, then your focus is not on Christ. Learning to shift out of the natural man state and into the yoke with Christ is what will actually help you with the trial you're experiencing.

3. Trying to Fix Everyone and Everything.

I get it, sometimes you are far away enough from the problem to have a wider perspective and can see what needs to happen to change the outcome. In fact, you might actually be right in what the solution is. However, there is a problem with you coming in fixing everything. Usually because it involves taking away someone else’s agency, but there is something greater than that. 

Think of it this way. If you are fixing something, then there must be something broken. When you come in and try to fix things for other people, you assert that they are broken. Now this might seem like the way to help people but that is not necessarily the case. What you need to focus on, is the state in which you are approaching with your help. 

Often, the fixing comes from a state of not wanting anyone to be feeling any negative emotions. You’re wanting everyone and everything to be okay. The problem with this is that you are coming in with your own agenda of taking away negative emotions from someone else. People are supposed to feel negative emotions while on earth. Negative emotions are one of the things that actually causes a connection with Christ. When you go in and try to take away someone else's negative experiences by fixing everything, you take that opportunity for them to seek after and feel Christ.

That doesn’t mean to default to an all or nothing mentality and never help anyone. It simply means you need to shift out of your codependent state of needing everyone to feel positive emotions. Thus shifting into being a vessel for Christ and learn to offer what He knows they need. You need to remove that roadblock in your mind of you being the one to fix it and become a divine receiver of what Christ know’s is best in that situation. 

Approaching a situation like this will allow you to show up as a representative of Christ. Allowing the other person to use their own agency to help themselves and build a stronger relationship with the Savior themselves. 

If you found yourself identifying with one or more of those things that you’re doing to make your trials worse, have no fear because you’re not alone. These are all very common. The good news is you don’t have to keep doing them. There are tools that can help. 

In fact, these are the exact tools I teach in my Removing Roadblocks to Revelation Group Coaching Program. When you join us for this program you can learn to remove your internal battles that are causing the revelation you need for the trial to be blocked. You learn 4 types of mental health skills through a spiritual lens so you can to receive hours back in time, energy, help and peace beyond your own.

This next month I will be opening up the program for the last time this year. If you want to be notified when the program opens get on the WAITLIST today so you don’t miss out when the program opens.